


Sburblocked

by egalitarianRechere



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Derse and Prospit, Major Original Character(s), Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Sburb Fan Session (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29058780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egalitarianRechere/pseuds/egalitarianRechere
Summary: While the original homestuck kids are playing their session, what about all the others? This fanfiction will follow the adventures of another 4-player session and their journey to (hopefully) not kill each other.
Kudos: 6





	1. Every story must have a beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Im kinda lazy so dont expect many updates lmao, also this is based off an actual sburb rp with friends so if some stuff is inconsistent with homestuck thats why, plus the fact homestuck is just really complicated, also this is my first time writing anything on ao3 so apologies if theres any formatting errors

ACT 1:  
EVERY ADVENTURE MUST HAVE A BEGINNING ==≥

A young woman stands in her bedroom. It just so happens today, the 13th of April, is not this young woman's birthday, in fact, this is just the day a video game this young woman has been waiting for is releasing! But anyways, what is this young woman's name?

≥Guess a random name.

  
BROODING WEAKLING

No, also rude.

EMERALD REFIARE

  
Good job, you got it right.

[Emerald]: ≥Be not bothered to give an intro.

Fair enough, i’ll just give a tl;dr.  
You like video gaming, specifically VR mmos. You also spend a lot of your time on pesterchum talking to friends.

[Emerald]: ≥Examine room.

Your room is mostly filled with shelves containing your various strategy guides for your favorite video games from a few years back, most of them are obsolete with the internet being a thing. There’s also a few scattered articles of clothing, mostly hoodies. God you love hoodies. You have also ordered a NEW VIDEO GAME that should be coming in today.

[Emerald]: ≥Look at the mailbox out the window.

The flag is down! That means there’s mail to collect.

[Emerald]: ≥Become prepared for a strife with your parents downstairs.

You pick up your trusty WOODEN BAT, along with a baseball or 2 in your MIRACLE MODUS, it seems it wants to cooperate today.

[Emerald]: ≥Move downstairs with your bat at the ready.

You slowly step down each of the stairs. Only a few more to go, allllmost there, oH SHIT THE LOUD STEP. There goes your surprise attack, new plan. Run through as fast as possible.

[Emerald]: ≥Sprint out the front door.

You sprint like a motherfucker down the rest of the stairs and out the front door, you grab the sburb client and server, they get captchalouged no problem, the newspapers on the other hand get flung back through the door onto the living room table.

[Emerald] ≥Sprint back upstairs.

You sprint like a motherfucker back into the house and up into your room, you now have the game.

[Emerald]: ≥Pester mercurial about getting the game.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

ER: hey did you get the new game coming out  
MS: while i pre-ordered it a few days ago i have not yet obtained it.  
ER: it just came in my mail  
ER: since its a coop game do you want to play it with me and the rest of the group  
MS: they will most likely not have it as that would require either planning, which i know you never do, or an insane coincidence.  
ER: theyll have it trust me  
ER: also read some guides since youre such a nerd youd probably get a kick out of it  
MS: i’m not a nerd, a nerd is someone who hyper-fixates on one subject and is not good at much else, i am not one of those.  
ER: the fact you know the definition of nerd makes me think youre a nerd  
MS: ugh, whatever. anyways i’m going to go check my mail.  
ER: im gonna go talk to slick and ea to see if they have it  
MS: i’m gonna read and write my own guide.  
ER: cool lmao

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] ceased pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

[Emerald]: ≥Pester Slick.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

ER: hey slick  
ER: did you win the smash game  
MSS: Yes although it was quite close.  
ER: lol youre getting rusty  
ER: but anyways have you heard of sburb  
MSS: Yes it should be coming in for me today  
ER: nice i have it and merc is getting it  
ER: ea is also joining in probably  
MSS: 4-player session sounds good to me  
ER: merc is making a guide for it so spoilers are with him  
MSS: Alright bye  
ER: bye

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] ceased pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

Everything is going perfectly, now you just need to get ea in on it.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

ER: hey erstaz have you heard of sburb  
EA: just call me ea jfc  
EA: and yes i have, i pre ordered it and it should be coming in today  
ER: sry  
ER: also nice do you want to join in with our session between me merc and slick  
EA: sure i guess  
ER: cool see you later  
\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] ceased pestering erstazAnimosity [EA] --

Everyone’s in on it, now to actually play the thing.

[Emerald]: ≥Install Sburb Client.

You start installing it, every percent ends in .413, quite strange. Nothing to worry about though.

[Emerald]: ≥Pester mercurial about this slightly troubling pattern.

[Emerald]: ≥Check in there’s any new updates on mspa.com

You check up on it, there’s quite a bit to catch up on, you’ve just been so busy lately.

[Emerald]: ==≥

This is probably the best webcomic out there, it’s called The Dime Droppers, their illegal hijinxs are hilarious. Your favorite character is cups, you can never keep down the cups.

[Emerald]: ==≥

Wow, that was the end? That sucked. You suck at writing and you can tell that end sucked.

[Emerald]: ≥Play some VR.

You play some VR mmos, these are amazing. And quite the workout.

[Emerald]: ≥Get back to important matters.

You TAKE OFF THE HEADSET and see that everyone is messaging you, great.

[Emerald]: ≥Respond to those dudes.

Which one first?

[Emerald]: ≥Slick.

You message slick back first.

\-- maliciouslySlick [MSS] began pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

MSS: Egal I have both the Sburb packets  
MSS: Egal where are you  
MSS: Guess Ill just leave this for future you  
MSS: The rest of us have the packets and were just waiting for you and merc has also read some guides so he knows a lot  
ER: sorry ive just been playing vr  
MSS: Np merc is waiting on you so go talk to him  
ER: ok

\-- maliciouslySlick [MSS] ceased pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

[Emerald]: ≥Talk to merc.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] began pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

MS: egal, i’ve got the packets. both the server and the client versions.  
MS: are you seriously playing vr at this time  
ER: fuck you im on now  
MS: ugh, anyways just connect to me so we can play.  
ER: sure in a bit i got a bit to do first  
MS: i would rather we do it now but fine.  
ER: we can start playing later tonight when im not about to do something  
MS: that’s fine.  
MS: i’ve read some guides with the basics of the game mechanics, we should get through the tutorial no problem.  
MS: do you want me to tell you about it now or later  
ER: later sounds good  
MS: alright.  
ER: are the guides good  
MS: they aren’t written well but they work as guides.  
ER: thats good  
MS: i’m going to keep reading, also i made a group chat for the 4 of us so we can communicate easily.  
ER: good idea anyways ill see you in a bit  
MS: bye.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] ceased pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

[Emerald]: Pester eA.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

ER: hey ea whats up  
EA: i’ve just been chilling around the house waiting for this bullshit to install  
ER: nice  
ER: also this is just because im curious but what was your dream last night  
EA: you know damn well i don’t get dreams  
EA: and neither do you  
EA: you wake up on that fucking golden planet or whatever  
ER: ok ok chill out  
ER: i was just curious  
ER: also prospit is awesome stfu  
EA: from your description of it it seems miserable compared to derse  
ER: derse is basically crime central idk why how youd ever be comfortable sleeping exposed there  
EA: i’ve lived for 13 years or however long my dream self has been there i’ll be fine  
ER: if you say so lol  
ER: anyways im probably gonna be checking out whats going on there in a bit but i can talk a bit more  
EA: ok  
ER: has merc woken up on derse yet  
EA: no, has MSS woken up on prospit  
ER: not since ive last checked  
ER: ill check again in a bit tho  
EA: i’ll check derse as well  
ER: aight see ya

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] has ceased pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

[Emerald]: ≥Sleep.

You’ve been tired after playing RHYTHM BLADE for the past few hours so you decide to sleep. You also get to see what’s happening on Prospit as a bonus.  
You are now on PROSPIT, in your tower as always.

[Emerald]: ≥Fly out the window because that never gets old.

You fly out the window, it’s always exhilarating. While flying you also see that the ECLIPSE is QUITE CLOSE.

[Emerald]: ≥Admire Prospit.

Wow, this place really is beautiful. The amazing palace that the royalty lives in, hell even the other normal living spaces look completely regal and everyone is so friendly to each other. You’ve never understood why anyone would want to live on Derse.

[Emerald]: ≥Stop dilly-dallying and check on Slick.

You cease this TOMFOOLERY and go to Slicks tower, it looks just like yours from the outside but the interior is much different, if it follows what yours is like it's his bedroom. And he’s still asleep. Of course.

[Emerald]: ≥Fly out and consult with the Prospitarian royalty.

You decide to consult with the royalty of prospit, also known as the White Queen and King.

[Emerald]: ≥Ask if it is time for the war to begin.

The two stare you down as they trade a begrudging nod between themselves.

[Emerald]: ≥Tell the two not to worry, as you and your friends will save it.

They nod.

[Emerald]: ≥Fly back to your tower as the eclipse is ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

Oh fuck yeah that’s close. Lucky you’re pretty good at flying.

[Emerald]: ≥Get cozy in your prospit bed.

This thing is so comfortable, it’s like sleeping on clouds.

[Emerald]: ≥Wake up.

You finally wake up, it seems like several hours have passed.

[Emerald]: ≥Message mercurialSeeker.

You decide to message your friend mercurialSeeker, he probably knows what to do next.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

ER: hey whats up  
MS: just reading some books on chess strategy while brewing some tea, how about you?  
ER: lol nerd  
MS: whatever, what are you up to?  
ER: i just woke up from a nap  
MS: did you have any dreams this time?  
ER: no not this time  
MS: i wonder what could be causing this.  
ER: me too buddy  
MS: it’s very abnormal for a human to not dream for such extended periods.  
ER: im sure im fine  
MS: if you say so, i’m just being paranoid probably.  
ER: anyways have you installed the game  
MS: no i haven’t, have you?  
ER: i installed the client but forgot to start the server installing before i went to sleep  
ER: ill probably start on that  
MS: alright, once you do that we can begin to play.  
ER: ok  
ER: im gonna go install the game  
MS: ok, pester me when it has installed.  
ER: ok

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] ceased pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

[Emerald]: ≥Begin installing sburb server.

You begin installing the sburb server application, this one has all the percents end in a .612, very odd.

[Emerald]: ≥Watch some Knightube to pass the time.

You decide to go on Knightube to pass the time while the game installs, specifically this one Knightuber, this guys stuff never gets old.

[Emerald]: Realize the game has been installed for 20 minutes

Oh wow, this guys stuff really makes you lose track of time, huh?

[Emerald]: ≥Pester mercurialSeeker.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

ER: hey the game is installed  
MS: that took quite a while.  
ER: yeah my internet is trash lol  
MS: hmmm, ok, i guess we shall begin playing.  
ER: yeah lets do that  
ER: should i be the server or the client  
MS: you can be the client, i’ll be better as the server.  
ER: ok lol

[Emerald]: ≥Start the Sburb client application.

You start the thing, it seems it’s looking for a connection from a server.

ER: it says i need a connection  
MS: yes, it needs a connection from a server player, aka me.  
ER: oh god are you gonna fuck with my house  
MS: yes.  
ER: my parents are gonna kill me  
MS: you’ll be fine, they’ll understand.  
ER: if you say so lol  
MS: i’m about to connect to you.  
ER: ok  
MS: i should be connected now.  
ER: woah theres this house thing in the air  
MS: that seems to be my cursor.  
ER: ow you bitch you just poked me  
MS: haha.  
ER: one sec slick is messaging me

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] ceased pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

[Emerald]: ≥Answer maliciouslySlick.

\-- maliciouslySlick [MSS] began pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

MSS: Hey  
ER: hi whats up  
MSS: Have you installed the game yet  
ER: yeah im playing it with merc hes poking the shit out of me  
MSS: When do I join in  
ER: let me ask merc

\-- maliciouslySlick [MSS] ceased pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

ER: hey merc slick is asking when he can join  
MS: tell him he can be my server.  
ER: ok

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] ceased pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

ER: he said you can be his server  
MSS: Ok cool  
ER: also when you connect to him give him a revenge poke on my behalf  
MSS: I will  
ER: alright im gonna go talk with merc now bye  
MSS: Bye

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] ceased pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

[Emerald]: ≥Be the guy.

Which guy, there’s 3 dumbass.

[Emerald]: ≥Be mercurialSeeker.

You are now mercurialSeeker. What is this young man's name?

PSYCHOPATHIC PISSLORD

That may be accurate but still wrong, try again.

MERCURY TORSNEY  
Nice job, now let’s continue.

[Mercury]: ≥Examine room.

Your room is neatly organized with many shelves filled with CHESS STRATEGY BOOKS. There are also numerous CHESS SETS around the room. You are quite passionate about chess. You also have a few FANTASY NOVELS around the room along with HISTORY TEXTBOOKS. As you can tell by the description of your room, you're quite the nerd. You are also waiting for a certain NEW VIDEO GAME.

[Mercury]: ≥Check pesterchum.

You check pesterchum and you see that your friend egalitarianRecheré hereby to be referred to as egal is pestering you.

[Mercury]: ≥Have a conversation WE'VE ALREADY SEEN BEFORE.

You proceed to have a conversation WE’VE ALREADY SEEN BEFORE and learn that egal has the game already, lucky girl.

[Mercury]:≥Message the other 2 to see if they have the game.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] began pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

MS: hello slick.  
MSS: Hey merc  
MS: do you have the game?  
MSS: Which game  
MS: Sburb of course.  
MSS: No i don’t  
MS: alright.  
\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] ceased pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] began pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

MS: hello erstaz.  
EA: just fucking call me ea  
MS: ok, hello ea.  
EA: what do you want  
MS: i am wondering if you have gotten a certain game in the mail.  
EA: which fucking game i order a lot of them  
MS: sburb.  
EA: no i haven’t but it should be coming in soon  
MS: alright.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] ceased pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

[Mercury]: ≥Look out the window to check if the flag is down.

You would but your window is not facing the mailbox, looks like you’re going to have to go through the house. Which means facing your mom unless you can sneak around, which you always do.

[Mercury]: ≥Step out the door to your room.

You step out of the room, you can’t seem to spot your mother, she must be downstairs.

[Mercury]: ≥Peer over stairwell.

There’s your dastardly mother, watching television, truly a pure act of contempt towards you.

[Mercury]: ≥Sneak down stairs.

You manage to sneak down the stairs without your mother noticing you because your staircase is the only one in the world without that ONE EXTREMELY LOUD STEP.

[Mercury]: ≥Go out the front door.

You would but the front door is in the living room, the same room as your mother. You should go out the back instead.

[Mercury]: ≥Go out the back door.

You are now in YOUR BACKYARD.

[Mercury]: ≥Hop the fence.

You struggle for about 10 minutes but you eventually hop the fence. You are now on THE SIDEWALK.

[Mercury]: ≥Circle around.

You CIRCLE AROUND to the mailbox. The flag is down.

[Mercury]: ≥Take Sburb Client and Server with your hands because you can’t be bothered with setting up your sylladex.

You do so, you never understood why people bothered with those things.

[Mercury]: ≥Walk in the front door.

You would but your MOTHER is still watching the TELEVISION.

[Mercury]: ≥Circle back around.

You are now standing in front of a GIANT FENCE.

[Mercury]: ≥Climb fence.

You climb the fence, it only takes you 5 minutes this time.

[Mercury]: ≥Go back in the back door.

You go back through the back door and up to your room, you finally have the game.

[Mercury]: ≥Start installing the game.

The game is now INSTALLING.

[Mercury]: ≥Look up some guides for Sburb.

There seems to be 2, one by “tentacleTherapist” and one by “winnie the poop 2”.

[Mercury]: ≥Open winnie the poop 2 guide.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. We’re never opening that again. At least you learned a bit about the game, but at what cost?

[Mercury]: ≥Open tentacleTherapist guide.

Wow, what a username, sadly you won’t see the contents of the guide as the tab crashes whenever you attempt to open it.

[Mercury]: ≥Message ea about this.

You would, but it isn’t really that big of a deal.

[Mercury]: ≥Chill in your room for a while while the game installs.

You decide to wait for the game by reading up on more chess strategy, as well as some other guides that people have made.

[Mercury]: ==>

It seems the game is finally installed.

[Mercury]: ≥Message Egal about this.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] began pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

MS: egal, i’ve got the packets. both the server and the client versions.

You proceed to have a conversation we’ve ALREADY SEEN BEFORE.

[Mercury]: ≥Keep looking through guides.

You see the tentacleTherapist guide, and click on it, just in case. It seems that it finally works.

[Mercury]: ≥Read up.

Wow that was quite informative, this should allow you to get through most of the pre-entry stuff very easily. It also seems quite underwhelming compared to the name of the person writing it.

[Mercury]: ≥Message Erstaz.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] began pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

MS: erstaz, has the game come in?  
MS: are you there?  
MS: message me when you’re on.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] ceased pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

[Mercury]: ≥Message Slick.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] began pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

MS: hello slick.  
MSS: Hey merc  
MS: has the game come in?  
MSS: Yeah it has, what about for you  
MS: it has, i plan to play it with egal once she gets online.  
MSS: Can I join in  
MS: sure, we can have a 4 player session between our friend group.  
MSS: Alright sounds good  
MS: anyways, i’m gonna keep reading through guides so we can be prepared.  
MSS: Alright see ya  
MS: bye.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] ceased pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] at 19:00 --

[Mercury]: ≥Keep reading.

You keep reading, it doesn’t seem like any of the guides are any help, they’re all written quite badly, as if the writer was in a state of extreme panic.

[Mercury]: ≥Chill out for a bit because you have nothing better to do.

You decide while you wait for erstaz or egal to respond to CHILL OUT with some books, particularly your chess strategy. You also decide to brew some tea in the meantime.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

ER: hey whats up

You proceed to have numerous conversations we’ve ALREADY SEEN before, and now we’re caught up on mercury’s adventures.

[Mercury]: ≥Be the girl.

You are now THE GIRL.

[Emerald]: ≥Get back to Sburb activities with your server.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

ER: alright lets get back on track  
MS: that’s a good idea.  
ER: what do we do next  
MS: i must deploy 3 devices, and then you must use said devices to complete an objective.  
ER: alright deploy them  
MS: i need to make room.

[Mercury]: ≥Make a balcony outside of egal’s room.

You do so, at the cost of all your grist. You couldn’t even afford railing.  
MS: this will act as a hub for all 3 devices.  
ER: god i fucking hate heights  
MS: deal with it.  
ER: fuck you

[Mercury]: ≥Deploy Alchemiter.

You deploy it on the left side on the balcony, it takes up most of that side.

[Mercury]: ≥Deploy Totem Lathe.

You deploy it on the front side of the balcony, it takes up most of that side as well.

[Mercury]: ≥Deploy Cruxtruder.

You deploy it on the right side, it perfectly slots in below the Totem Lathe.

MS: i also must deploy the pre-punched card.  
ER: ok

[Mercury]: ≥Deploy Pre-punched card.

You deploy it in the center of the balcony, it obviously doesn’t take up any meaningful amount of space because it’s a fucking card.

ER: what do i do with this shit  
MS: first, you must open the cruxtruder. i will help you with this task.

[Mercury]: ≥Pick up Egal’s bed and drop it on the cruxtruder.

You do so, the bed breaks but the cruxtruder opens, and the KERNELSPRITE pops out. Oh and there’s the timer for you imminent demise, that too.

ER: what do i do with this shit [2]  
MS: first, find something that you would like as your guide, then throw it into the kernelsprite (which is the ball of energy in front of you), pick carefully because this will be your guide for the rest of the game.  
ER: i have the best idea ever  
MS: what are you doing?

[Emerald]: ≥Grab Stay Puft Marshmallow Man figurine.

You grab it, your parents got this for you a few years ago, you knew it would come in handy one day.

[Emerald]: ≥Throw it into the Kernelsprite.

You now have MARSHMALLOWMANSPRITE.

MS: that is probably the worst prototype you could possibly do.  
ER: fuck you its awesome  
MS: ugh, let’s just move on, you have to twist the valve on the cruxtruder to get cruxite.  
ER: alright

[Emerald] ≥Twist the valve.

You now have three (3) cruxite dowels.

MS: next, put one of those in the totem lathe along with the card.  
ER: ok

[Emerald]: ≥Put the dowel and card into the Totem Lathe.

You now have the CARVED TOTEM.

MS: finally, put the totem onto the alchemiter.  
ER: this is pretty complicated  
MS: not really, also hurry up you don’t have much time.  
ER: ugh fine

[Emerald]: ≥Put Carved Totem onto Alchemiter’s Pedestal.

You do so, a GREEN BANANA TREE is sprouted, and one falls off.

ER: the fuck do i do with this  
MS: what do you think? eat it.  
ER: you can never be sure with this fucking game  
MS: fair, but just eat the fucking banana  
ER: fine

[Emerald]: ≥Pick up the banana.  
You pick up the banana and JESUS CHRIST IS THAT A METEOR

ER: HOLY FUCK THERES A METEOR HEADING TOWARDS MY HOUSE  
MS: calm down, this is part of sburb. just eat the banana.  
ER: I DONT KNOW WHY IM TRUSTING YOU BUT I GUESS THIS IS MY ONLY SHOT

[Emerald]: ≥EAT THE FUCKING BANANA  
You EAT THE FUCKING BANANA, there’s a flash of light, and you’re gone.

\---------------------------------------------END OF ACT 1-----------------------------------------------------


	2. The part where everything starts to suck.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Emerald has entered, this chapter will go through the rest of the kids.

**ACT 2:**

**THE PART WHERE EVERYTHING BEGINS TO SUCK ==** **≥**

**\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Introducing Land of 

**SYKE**

You are now maliciouslySlick. What is this other young man’s name?

COWARDICE FUCKBOY

Wow, you really don’t like this kid, huh? Try again.

WILLIAM BECKETT

While that’s a pretty boring name, it is correct.

[William]: ≥Examine room.

You have numerous posters for various VIDEO GAMES and MOVIES you enjoy. You try and keep your room tidy but there are a few scattered BOOKS around the place.

[William]: ≥Tidy up.

You put the few books back on their respective shelves, you also organize a bit.

[William]: ≥Play some Smash Bros. to pass the time.

You play some Smash Bros, you decide to go online and barely squeak out a win against some fox player. It also seems you’re getting pestered by egal.

[William]: ≥Answer.

\-- egalitarianRecheré [ER] began pestering maliciouslySlick [MS] --

ER: hey slick  
ER: did you win the smash game  
  


You proceed to have a conversation we’ve ALREADY SEEN BEFORE. You’re excited to play this with egal.

Oh hey, you didn’t even notice Mercury was pestering you as well!

[William]: ≥Answer.

\-- mercurialSeeker [MS] began pestering maliciouslySlick [MS] --

MS: hello slick.  
MS: Hey merc  
  


You proceed to have SEVERAL conversations we’ve ALREADY SEEN BEFORE.

[William]: ≥Obsessively check the mail.

You walk down into the living room and stare out the window towards the mailbox, waiting for the mail to come. It takes a few hours but it finally does!

[William]: ≥Go and get it.

You are now in front of the mailbox.

[William]: ≥Captchalouge both the Sburb disks and head back inside.

You Captchalogue them both, let’s hope your dumbass modus doesn't make it a nightmare to retrieve them.

[William]: ≥Message your friends about this.

You have a conversation we’ve ALREADY SEEN BEFORE with egal, another one we’ve ALREADY SEEN BEFORE with merc, and finally one more we’ve ALREAD- wait we haven’t seen this one. I guess I’ll write it.

\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] began pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

MSS: Hey the game came in for me, has it for you  
EA: that’s quite funny, it just did, i was about to go get it  
MSS: Ah I guess Ill let you go get it then  
EA: alright  
MSS: Bye  
  
\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] ceased pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

[William]: ≥Just chill out and read.

You pop on some INDIE GAME SOUNDTRACKS and read some adventure novels, these are amazing.

[William]: ≥Grab some coffee.

You’re getting a bit tired so you begin to BREW SOME COFFEE.

[William]: ≥Add some sugar and cream for that amazing coffee taste.

You add an EXTORTIONATE AMOUNT OF SUGAR AND CREAM to your coffee. If you drink this you will probably not sleep for 3 WEEKS.

[William]: ≥Drink it.

Congratulations, you aren’t sleeping for the next 3 weeks. That wasn’t a joke.

[William]: ≥Get back to reading.

You can’t read as your body is vibrating so fast that whenever you try and hold a book it immediately falls out of your hand.

[William]: ≥Play some videogames to pass the time until your body calms down.

You attempt to play some VIDEOGAMES but this vibrating is quite hindering, luckily it seems to be calming down.

[William]: ≥Turn on the local news.

You turn on the news channel for your city, but it seems it’s being interrupted by a national alert. Something about meteors falling around the world, quite worrying. Probably just some kind of prank from some hacker thou- BOOM. Was that a meteor?

[William]: ≥Check outside.

You run outside and see a giant fucking crater where one of your neighbor's houses once stood. Guess that alert was legit.

[William]: ≥Get back inside.

You immediately GTFO back to your house and message one of your friends about this

\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] began pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

MSS: Erstaz something just happened  
MSS: Erstaz where are you  
MSS: Ill just leave this for when you check pesterchum I guess  
MSS: A giant meteor just destroyed one of my neighbors houses  
MSS: Please get back to me ASAP

\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] ceased pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

[William]: ≥Calm the fuck down.

Hey, lightning never strikes the same place twice right? It’s unlikely a meteor will hit your house.

[William]: ≥Get back to Sburb activities.

You decide to message egal about sburb.

\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] began pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] at 23:09 --

MS: Hey  
ER: hi whats up  
  


You proceed to have numerous conversations we’ve ALREADY SEEN BEFORE with egal. 

[William]: ≥Message Erstaz again.

\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] began pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

MSS: Erstaz where are you  
EA: i’m not gonna be anywhere if you keep fucking calling me erstaz  
MSS: Sorry, but anyways do you have the game  
EA: yeah i got it like 3 hours ago and then crashed  
MSS: Nice  
EA: can i be your server  
MSS: Sure  
EA: alright that means we have a chain of ER - MS - MSS - EA  
MSS: Ok  
MSS: So do you want to connect to me right now  
EA: you have to connect to merc first.  
MSS: Alright Ill do that then  
EA: ok bye  
MSS: bye

\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] ceased pestering erstazAminosity [EA] --

\-- maliciouslySlick [MS] began pestering mercurialSeeker [MS] --

MSS: Hey merc when can I connect to you  
MS: i guess right now is fine.  
MS: egal just entered so right now would be the most efficient time to connect.  
MSS: What do you mean she “entered”  
MS: she basically completed the tutorial, so now we can connect.  
MSS: Alright

[William]: ≥Open the Sburb server application.

You open the server app, it’s looking for a connection from a client.

MSS: Also a meteor fell on one of my neighbor's houses  
MS: what.  
MSS: I just told you  
MS: why are you being so nonchalant about this?  
MSS: Idk I guess the shock that a meteor fell on my neighbor's house hasn’t set in yet  
MS: anyways, let's just get this done.

[Mercury]: ≥Connect to Slick.

You are now connected to Slick, lets get this show on the road.

MSS: Ok I think Im connected  
MS: yes, i just connected to you.  
MS: try out some of the menus and then we can really start this.  
MSS: Ok

[William]: ≥Test the “Move” option.

You move a random bookshelf a few feet, it falls with a menacing THUD. A few books fall out as well.

MS: thanks, now i have to clean this shit up.  
MSS: Sorry Ill try to be more careful

[William]: ≥Use “Revise”.

You add more to the end of Merc’s room, at the expense of 22 build grist.

MS: great, we just wasted a load of grist.  
MSS: Dont worry I have like 200 of the stuff  
MS: 200? Me and egal only had 20.  
MSS: Huh weird  
MS: i’ll have to look into this.  
MSS: Ok  
MS: for now let’s just continue with me entering.  
MSS: Yeah

[William]: ≥Click “Deploy”

MSS: I clicked the deploy option and I have 4 options, the “Cruxtruder” the “Totem Lathe” the “Alchemiter” and the “Pre-Punched Card”  
MS: yes, deploy the first 3 of those, preferably close to each other.  
MSS: Ok

[William]: ≥Deploy all 3 in a line on the side of the room you expanded.

You do so, it’s not the best but it’ll work.

MS: i guess that’ll work.  
MSS: So what else do I have to do  
MS: drop something on the cruxtruder.  
MSS: Like what  
MS: idk a chair or something  
MSS: Alright

[William]: Open the cruxtruder with a chair.

You pick up a chair and drop it onto the cruxtruder, it opens. The KERNELSPRITE pops out- and it just floated into the chair. You now have CHAIRSPRITE.

MSS: What just happened  
MS: you just prototyped the kernelsprite with a chair.  
MSS: What does that mean  
MS: it doesn’t really matter, it’s fine.  
MS: it’s better than a stay-puft marshmallow man figurine at least.  
MSS: What  
MS: nothing.  
MSS: Alright  
MSS: What else do I have to do  
MS: you don’t have to do much else apart from deploying the pre-punched card.  
MSS: Alright Ill do that

[William]: ≥Deploy Pre-punched card.

You do so, it contains some PURPLE MILK that may or may not be spoiled.

MS: is this fucking spoiled milk?  
MSS: Hey I didnt choose it  
MS: i know i’m just surprised it can have man-made objects in the cards.  
MSS: Well I mean it is a game made by humans  
MS: fair.

[Mercury]: ≥Spin the valve on the cruxtruder.

You now have one (1) CRUXITE DOWEL.

MSS: What are you doing  
MS: getting cruxite dowels.  
MSS: What are they for  
MS: you’ll see.  
MSS: Ok

[Mercury]: ≥Put dowel into Totem Lathe with pre-punched card.

You put the dowel in with the card, it makes a totem.

MS: i hope you’re taking notes slick because this will be important for your entrance.  
MSS: I am  
MSS: Also that timer on the cruxtruder is making me nervous  
MS: oh yeah that, it means we have about 1 minute for me to finish this.  
MS: so i’m gonna do that.

[Mercury]: ≥Put totem on alchemiter.

You put the totem on the alchemiter, it produces some purple milk that is probably spoiled.

[Mercury]: ≥Reluctantly drink milk.

You drink the milk, it tastes horrible. Oh, and you enter the Medium.

Introducing Land of Labyrinths and Ideas

You find yourself in a never-ending maze. Gigantic green walls block most of your view, and the sky is a storm of green lightning. Ideas take physical shape from the green electricity from the storm, although they dissipate just as quickly as they form.

Now, let’s change to someone else.

You are now erstazAminosity, what is his actual name?

DAMIENE HARLTON

Wow, you didn’t fuck with this guy huh? Well, you’re correct.

[Damiene]: ≥Check mail.

Oh hey, it came in, but it seems your friends are also pestering you.

[Damiene]: ≥Check pesterchum.

Wow, all 3 of your friends are pestering you. Wonder what’s so important.

[Damiene]: ≥Respond to them.

You proceed to do a CONVERSATION WE’VE ALREADY SEEN BEFORE X3 COMBO, and now we can do original stuff.

[Damiene]: ≥Go and get the mail.

You step outside without much fuss because your dad is GOING TO GET MILK.

[Damiene]: ≥Captchalogue the Sburb packets.

You do so in your SHELL MODUS, this is probably the best modus ever. Whenever you captchalogue something it goes in an egg, and you have to crack open the egg with the thing you want.

[Damiene]: ≥Go back inside.

You go back inside and up to your room, it seems ER is pestering you.

[Damiene]: ≥Respond.

You do so and have a conversation we’ve seen before. You guess you should check up on MS on Derse.

[Damiene]: ≥Sleep.

You get snug in your bed and sleep.

[Damiene]: ≥Wake.

You wake, but not in your earth bed, you are now on DERSE.

[Damiene]: ≥Examine room.

You realize you never examined your room on earth, but I guess this works just as well as this is basically the same room but purple.

Anyway, you have your sick guitar, you pride yourself in your ability to play this thing. You also have your SICK COMPUTER, because fuck console players. On said computer you have hit game Fortnite open, you never close it. You don’t actually like Fortnite though, it’s all totally ironic. Totally. You’re quite the competitive player, you get really pissed when you lose. You don’t actually like Fortnite though, it’s all totally ironic. Totally. Fuck console players with their aim assist. Oh and there’s the keyboard pile, everytime you break a keyboard in your earth room one appears here. You also have your pet hamster Whiskers, but it seems it doesn’t carry over to Derse.

[Damiene]: ≥Fly out the window.

You aren’t very good at flying yet but you’ll never get better if you don’t practice, so here we go- and you fell. Your leg is throbbing. How are you even alive right now?

[Damiene]: ≥Limp all the way to MS’s tower.

You limp half-way across the moon to MS’s tower, now you have to walk up the stairs.

[Damiene]: ≥Walk up the stairs.

You walk up the stairs, it takes an hour but feels like 10, you can barely feel your left leg anymore.

[Damiene]: ≥Check on MS.

You do so, he’s still asleep, as always.

[Damiene]: ≥Pass out.

You PASS THE FUCK OUT.

[Damiene]: ≥Wake up.

You wake up back on Earth, you can feel your leg again, oh how you took it for granted. It also seems MSS is pestering you.

[Damiene]: ≥Respond.

You respond to MSS, it seems you’re going to be his server.

[Damiene]: ≥Play a game of hit game fortnite.

You do so, you land at Tilted because you aren’t a fucking bitch. Specifically the center building. Oh fuck you clipped the roof. Oh fuck your glider got disabled. Oh fuck you slid off the roof. Oh fuck you died.

[Damiene]: ≥Throw your keyboard.

You THROW YOUR KEYBOARD ACROSS THE ROOM, a few keys would probably fly off if they haven't already done so from you throwing it previously. Also, that’s gonna be another one on the keyboard pile.

[Damiene]: ≥Spin in your chair to regenerate your keyboard.

You do so, once you’re done with your spinning you see a keyboard back in the place of your broken one, fucking keyboard gremlin.

[Damiene]: ≥Message MSS.

You message MSS.

[William]: ≥Answer the pester.

\-- erstazAminosity [EA] began pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

EA: MSS have you connected to MS  
MSS: Yes I have  
MSS: In fact he just “entered” whatever that means  
EA: alright we can do the shit now  
MSS: I assume that means you can connect to me  
EA: yeah whatever  
MSS: Ill start the client  
EA: i’ll start the server

[William & Damiene]: ≥Start your respective applications.

You both start the client and server sburb applications respectively.

[Damiene]: ≥Connect to MSS.

You connect to MSS, time to start this shit.

MSS: Do you know what to do  
EA: fuck no lol  
MSS: Deploy the 3 big devices and the punched card  
EA: ok  
EA: there’s not enough space  
MSS: Make some with the revise option  
EA: alright lmao

[Damiene]: ≥Make some space.

You create an EXTORTIONATE amount of space for the devices, at the expense of 150 build grist.

MSS: Dude thats gonna waste all our grist  
EA: chill it only took 150  
MSS: How much do you have  
EA: 2 thousand  
MSS: Wow it really does increase  
EA: wdym  
MSS: I only had 200 with merc  
EA: interesting  
MSS: Anyways deploy the devices  
EA: aight

[Damiene]: ≥Deploy the devices.

You deploy all 3 in the space you expanded, it doesn’t even fill it up all the way.

MSS: Now deploy the card

[Damiene]: ≥Deploy the card.

You deploy the Pre-punched card.

EA: so what do i do now  
MSS: Help me open the cruxtruder  
EA: which one is that  
MSS: The one with the valve on the side  
EA: how do i open it  
MSS: Drop something on it  
EA: like what dumbass  
MSS: Idk my bed or something  
EA: alright

[Damiene]: ≥Hit cruxtruder with bed.

You hit the cruxtruder with the bed while keeping it attached to the cursor so it doesn’t shatter, good job.

[Damiene]: ≥Put down bed.

You put down the bed where you found it, very nice.

MSS: Im gonna go get something real quick  
EA: ok

[William]: ≥Grab sunflower plush.

You grab a SUNFLOWER PLUSH your parents got for you when you were a baby.

[William]: ≥Throw it into the kernelsprite.

You do so, you now have SUNFLOWERSPRITE.

EA: what the fuck did you just do  
MSS: I prototyped the kernelsprite with my sunflower plush  
EA: idk what half those words fucking mean but ok  
MSS: Dont worry about it

[William]: ≥Check timer on the cruxtruder.

Oh fuck you only have 45 seconds.

MSS: Fuck gotta do this fast

[William]: ≥Enter. 

You do all the entering shit, the alchemiter produces a tomato.

[William]: ≥Take a bite.

You take a bite out of the tomato, you enter the medium.

Now, let’s see what Emerald’s up to.

For real this time, Introducing Land of Meteors and Frogs.

Around you there is extremely jagged terrain, frogs and meteors are constantly falling from the sky. Even with all the chaos happening it still somehow manages to be calming, similar to Prospit’s vibe.

ER: merc where the fuck am i  
MS: i have no idea.  
MS: the guides didn’t go this far.  
ER: well thats fucking helpful  
ER: what do i do here  
MS: find something else to prototype your sprite with.  
ER: i have an idea  
MS: oh god another one of your ideas.

[Emerald]: ≥Grab Mario figurine.

You grab a figurine of one of your favorite video game characters, Mario Mario.

[Emerald]: ≥Throw it into sprite.

You do so, it absorbs the figurine. You now have MARSHIOSPRITE.

MARSHIOSPRITE: Mama Mia.  
EMERALD: oh shit you can talk now  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Indeed I can.  
EMERALD: so what am i meant to do in this place  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Right now or your ultimate goal of the game?  
EMERALD: first the ultimate goal  
MARSHIOSPRITE: You must traverse your 7 gates and destroy the black king.  
EMERALD: can you explain that  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Of course, it is my purpose after all.  
MARSHIOSPRITE: The gates will be scattered across all 4 planets of you and your friends, you must go through all 7 before you can face the final boss, the black king.  
EMERALD: alright i still dont understand most of that but ill just go along with it  
EMERALD: so what is my goal for the time being  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Gather grist and build to your first gate above your house.  
EMERALD: how do i get grist  
MARSHIOSPRITE: From imps and ogres.  
EMERALD: wdym imps  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Like the thing behind you.

Marshiosprite then proceeds to throw molten marshmallows on a mysterious creature behind you killing it, those are probably the imps. It explodes into grist and a weird currency(?).

EMERALD: what did that thing drop  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Grist and boondollars.  
EMERALD: what do those do  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Grist is used by your server to build, along with alchemizing. And boondollars are the currency of this game, they can be used to buy things from merchants.  
EMERALD: alright i guess ill get to work killing these things  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Good luck, if you need me I’ll be here.  
EMERALD: thanks

[Emerald]: ≥Look for another one of those imps.

It doesn’t take long, these things have fucking infested your house. And does that thing have fucking blue overalls on?

ER: merc why does this imp have overalls on  
MS: it takes on the properties of the things you prototyped, so it’s marshmallow and mario into one enemy.  
ER: oh god  
MS: you did this to yourself, good luck.

[Emerald]: ≥Take out bat and swing.

You do so, you hit it in the back of the head. But it doesn’t die.

[Emerald]: ≥Hit it again.

You hit it one more time, but it still doesn’t go down. It hits you with some fire, it hurts like hell but burns out quickly.

[Emerald]: ≥Hit it AGAIN.

You hit it one more time, it finally goes down. You collect all those sweet grist and boondollars.

EMERALD: how do i make my weapon better  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Find something to alchemize it with.  
EMERALD: like what  
MARSHIOSPRITE: I don’t know, find something.  
EMERALD: alright

[Emerald]: ≥Check the garage.

You decide to check the garage, your parents kept all sorts of shit in here. Oh hey, there’s a metal rod. That’ll do.

EMERALD: how do i combine it  
MARSHIOSPRITE: First, you need the punch designix.  
EMERALD: how do i get that  
MARSHIOSPRITE: You need shale, which sometimes drops from imps.  
EMERALD: oh yeah is that the purple shit  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Yes.  
EMERALD: alright ill do that

ER: hey merc i need your assistance  
MS: yes i heard, i’m making space for the punch designix.  
ER: thx  
MS: no problem.

[Mercury]: ≥Make some more room on the balcony and rearrange the devices to make room for the designix.

You do so, and place down the designix while you’re at it.

MS: i have placed the designix on the balcony.  
ER: alright thanks im gonna go power my weapon up

\-- egalitarianRecheré ceased pestering mercurialSeeker --

EMERALD: the designix has been placed what do i do now  
MARSHIOSPRITE: First, look on the back of the cards of the bat and metal rod.  
EMERALD: its just some random letters and numbers  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Remember those, you’ll need them.  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Next, take a card, preferably a blank one, and put it into the designix.  
EMERALD: done  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Now input the code of the bat into the designix.  
EMERALD: the card has holes in it now  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Do the same for the rod.  
EMERALD: now i have 2 holey cards  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Put the cards on top of each other.  
EMERALD: what next  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Put the 2 together in the Totem Lathe.  
EMERALD: alright i have a new totem now  
EMERALD: i think i know what to do with this

[Emerald]: ≥Make metal bat.

You make a sick new metal bat, at the expense of 5 grist, this will show those imps who’s boss.

[Emerald]: ≥Test out new weapon.

You find an imp to test this baby out on, you take a swing, the thing gets knocked out.

[Emerald]: ≥Take another swing while it’s down.

You take one more swing and it dies, you get that sweet loot.

EMERALD: what else could i alchemize this thing with  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Perhaps some of this.

Marshiosprite fires some molten marshmallow onto the ground.

[Emerald]: ≥Go through the alchemy process again with the marshmallow.

You do so, at the cost of 10 grist you make a METAL-MOLTEN-MARSHMALLOWBAT, luckily the handle isn’t too hot. It is sticky though, quite annoying.

[Emerald]: ≥Look for a more difficult foe to test your even newer weapon against.

You find what seems to be a GIANT IMP in your kitchen.

MARSHIOSPRITE: That is a crude ogre, they are quite difficult to defeat.  
EMERALD: i got this dont worry

[Emerald]: ≥Hit that bitch with your bat.

You attempt to hit it with the bat, however, it grabs it. Luckily as it is molten it burns its hand and it quickly let's go. You take this opportunity to actually hit it with your bat, it screams in pain. It sounds like Mario's lava damage sound from Super Mario 64. But it doesn’t go down, in fact, you just made it angrier. It takes a jab at you. You get knocked down but luckily your bat is still in your hand due to its stickiness.

[Emerald]: ≥Call for Marshio.

You call out for Marshiosprite to help you, it prevents the ogee from moving with some marshmallow.

[Emerald]: ≥Hit the ogre over the head.

You jump up and hit the ogre over the head, it probably got a mild concussion but still doesn’t go down. And it broke out of the marshmallow.

[Emerald]: ≥Hit it again.

You would, but it seems you are now stuck in some marshmallow the ogre shot at you.

[Emerald]: ≥Try to get out of marshmallow.

You attempt to get out of the marshmallow while Marshio holds off the ogre, you’ll probably need a bit of time though.

[Emerald]: ==>

Almost there, Marshio is starting to struggle, but the ogre does seem to be almost dead.

[Emerald]: ==>

And you’re out! Now finish it off.

[Emerald]: ≥Finish it off.

You hit it in its side while it’s fighting Marshio, it finally explodes into a ton of grist and boondollars. You get that SICK LOOT.

EMERALD: what do i do with the grist besides alchemizing  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Your server player can use it to build.  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Speaking of, you should get on that.  
EMERALD: oh yeah ill message him

\-- egalitarianRecheré began pestering mercurialSeeker --

ER: hey i need your help  
MS: what for.  
ER: do you see anything above my house  
MS: yes, it looks like a spirograph.  
ER: thats probably the gate  
ER: i need you to build to it  
MS: alright i’ll get to work on that, i’m gonna need some more grist though.  
ER: ok ill get some more

[Mercury]: ≥Start building.

You make a decent foundation with most of the grist, but you also get about 20% of the way to the first gate.

MS: i’m about 20% the way to the gate, keep getting that grist.  
ER: im working on it

[Emerald]: ≥Keep killing imps.

You continue to kill imps while avoiding ogres, those things are too strong for you. After your killing spree, you have about 200 grist and 500 boondollars, you’re pretty tuckered out.

ER: i got like 200 grist  
MS: great, that should be enough.  
ER: im really fucking tired  
MS: understandable.  
ER: im gonna crash  
ER: you can do the building shit  
MS: alright, good night.  
ER: gn

EMERALD: hey marshio can you protect me while i get some shut-eye  
MARSHIOSPRITE: Of course.  
EMERALD: aight im gonna crash

[Emerald]: ≥Get in bed and sleep.

You head up to your bedroom and pass out.

[Mercury]: ≥Get building.

You get building, it takes all of your grist but you get up to the gate, I guess you’ll just have to wait for egal to wake up.

[Emerald]: ≥Wake.

You wake up on Prospit to see a Prospitarian in your room, they have a letter in their hands.

[Emerald]: ≥Read the letter.

You take the letter and read it, it says the following:  
  
“King found dead, assassination?  
  
The king was found dead this morning with prospitarian police having one keen suspect, a derse agent known as Sumpter Baliff. If you see any subjects from derse, please inform your local prospitarian officer, the White Queen will be taking the King’s place as the majesty, more at 8.”

[Emerald]: ≥Fly to the palace with the letterboy.

You fly to the palace, there’s still blood everywhere from the king’s death, the queen is nowhere to be seen. You feel like you’re being watched from the shadows.

[Emerald]: ≥Get the fuck out with the letterboy.

Yeah, you aren’t having any of that. Where will you go?

[Emerald]: ≥Slick’s tower.

Alright, you fly to Slick’s tower with the letterboy, this is your fortress now HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS THAT BANGING ON THE DOOR.

[Emerald]: ≥Look for weapons.

The letterboy hands you a gold letter opener, you guess this will do. You’re lucky you haven’t assigned your dream self's strife specibus.

[Emerald]: ≥Hide the letterboy under Slick’s bed and confront the noise.

You hide him, no one is touching this letterboy. Now, to confront the noise. You open the door and holy shit that is a big man.

[Emerald]: ≥Ask him what he’s here for.

He cracks his knuckles and points to Slick in the bed.

EMERALD: what do you want with him  
????: What do you think? I’m here to kill him, bosses orders.

He then begins walking over to Slick.

[Emerald]: ≥Stab him in the back of the head.

While his back is turned you stab him in the back of the head with the letter opener, he yells in pain.

????: FUCK, listen, kid, I don’t want to hurt you, I’m only here for the kid who’s asleep.  
EMERALD: you arent getting him

You stab him in the eye, he stumbles back and falls down. You then take this opportunity to jump on him and continue stabbing. He gets up and you walk back.

[Emerald]: Push him out the window.

You notice he’s near the window, you run up to him and shove him out, he falls.

[Emerald]: ≥Get the letterboy out from under the bed.

You get him out from under the bed, he seems shocked by the amount of blood strewn about the room.

[Emerald]: ≥Calm him down.

You calm him down by saying it was all from the bad dude, it seems to work.

[Emerald]: ≥Tell him to stay here while going to the palace again.

He nods, and you fly off. It seems the blood has been cleaned up and the WHITE QUEEN is now sitting on her new throne.

[Emerald]: ≥Ask if she knows anything about the assassination.

She says she knows about as much as anyone else, one minute he was there, and the next he was lying dead on the floor.

[Emerald]: ≥Tell her about what happened with the guy who tried to kill Slick.

You tell her everything about what happened with the mysterious man, she says it was probably an agent from derse, and that she’ll set up guards around your residences.

[Emerald]: ≥Thank her and fly back to Slick’s tower.

You do so, you see the letterboy cleaning up the blood around Slick’s room along with 2 Prospitarian guards.

[Emerald]: ≥Introduce yourself to the guards.

You introduce yourself, they say that you should probably get back to your tower.

[Emerald]: ≥Oblige.

You fly back to your tower, there are 2 Prospitarian guards here also. They wave at you.

[Emerald]: ≥Get into bed.

You get back into your bed, you should probably get to connecting to erstaz.

[Emerald]: ≥Wake up.

You wake up, but before we get to the rest of your shenanigans let’s check back in on Damiene.

EA: what the fuck just happened  
MSS: I think I just “entered”  
EA: ok  
EA: i’m gonna go feed my hamster  
MSS: Seems abrupt but alright.

[Damiene]: Feed the hamster.

You go to feed your hamster Whiskers, it doesn’t seem like he’s here right now, but he’ll show up. Anyway, you pour some into his feeding tray. And then in a flash of green light, Whiskers appears! It seems he was waiting for food.

[Damiene]: ≥Pet Whiskers.

You pet him, he seems to enjoy it.

[Dameine]: ≥Get back to pestering your friends.

You get back to it, if this game has shown you anything it’s that you gotta get this done quick.

EA: i’m gonna go connect to egal  
MSS: Alright I’m gonna try and figure out what to do here  
EA: ok

\-- erstazAminosity [EA] ceased pestering maliciouslySlick [MSS] --

It seems ER is finally online, you should get to her.

[Damiene]: ≥Pester ER.

\-- erstazAminosity [EA] began pestering egalitarianRecheré [ER] --

EA: ER connect to me  
ER: hey i just woke up  
ER: but alright

[Emerald]: ≥Start the Sburb server application.

You start the app, you need a connection.

ER: i need a connection  
EA: yeah i’m starting the client app

[Damiene]: ≥Crack open the client egg and start the client application.

You do so, it automatically connects to ER.

ER: ok i think were connected  
ER: i think i know what to do  
ER: jesus christ i have 20000 grist  
EA: yeah it increases 10x for every connected player  
ER: i guess ill deploy the things  
ER: erstaz why is there a pile of peaches in the corner of your room  
EA: for one don’t call me erstaz holy shit i’ve told you so many goddamn times  
EA: and two  
EA: what the FUCK are you talking about i haven’t seen a peach in years  
ER: theres a giant fucking pile of peaches in the corner of your room  
EA: no there FUCKING isn’t  
EA: i’m looking at my room  
EA: right the FUCK now  
EA: and there isn’t a SINGLE FUCKING PEACH  
EA: now STOP TALKING ABOUT PEACHES YOU BATSHIT INSANE WOMAN  
  
  


[Emerald]: ≥Make some space and deploy all the things.

You make some space with an insignificant amount of grist, and then place the 3 devices and the pre-punched card.

[Damiene]: ≥Examine pre-punched card.

Dear. Fucking. God. It’s a peach.

EA: egal are you fucking with me right now  
ER: wdym  
EA: the thing in this card is a FUCKING PEACH  
ER: dude chill i dont decide whats in the card  
EA: is the universe is fucking with me then  
ER: idk maybe  
ER: lets just keep going  
EA: fine  
ER: what do i use to open the cruxtruder  
EA: i’ll get it myself  
ER: ?  
EA: just watch

[Damiene]: ≥Go up to your dad’s room and grab his 2 shotguns.

You do so, these things are so awesome.

[Damiene]: ≥Allocate your strife specibus to 2xshtgunkind.

You now have 2xshotgunkind.

[Damiene]: Load the guns.

You grab a fuckton of ammo from your dad’s place and load them up.

[Damiene]: ≥Shoot the lid off the Cruxtruder.

You shoot both shotguns at the lid, it blows right off. The kernelsprite pops out and the timer starts, you have about 30 minutes. More than enough time.

ER: wow  
EA: yeah  
EA: anyways i have an amazing idea for a prototyping

[Damiene]: ≥Go grab a cross from your dad’s room.

You grab a cross from your pastor dad’s room. Gonna get some holy guidance up in this bitch.

ER: i dont think thats a good idea  
EA: it’s an amazing idea

[Damiene]: ≥Throw cross into Kernelsprite.

You now have HOLYMARYSPRITE.

HOLYMARYSPRITE: Hello, my child.  
DAMIENE: holy fuck that worked  
HOLYMARYSPRITE: Indeed.  
DAMIENE: so does this mean god is actually a thing and shit  
HOLYMARYSPRITE: Not necessarily, while I cannot speak on the existence of Yahweh, as I am just the figure Sburb has assigned to the cross item, whether He exists is up to your own judgement.  
DAMIENE: damn, that’s insightful as fuck, anyway, i’m gonna get back to Sburb stuff  
HOLYMARYSPRITE: Ok, if you need any guidance I will be here.  
DAMIENE: alright

ER: did you just make god a sprite  
EA: it’s actually the virgin mary  
ER: anyways  
ER: lets get back to sburb stuff  
ER: you should know what to do for the rest of this  
EA: yep

[Damiene]: ≥Turn that valve.

You turn it a few more times than necessary, you now have 3 dowels.

[Damiene]: ≥Make that totem.

You make that totem, making sure the pre-punched card is upside down to not face you.

[Damiene]: ≥Make that item.

You take the totem to the Alchemiter and make that ite- it’s a FUCKING PEACH.

EA: ER  
ER: yeah  
EA: THIS IS A FUCKING PEACH  
ER: yeah  
EA: I CAN’T EAT THIS  
ER: you gotta  
EA: ER I CAN’T  
ER: its the peach or the meteor  
ER: close your eyes and pretend its a kiwi or smth  
EA: FINE I'LL TRY

[Damiene]: ≥Eat the peach.

It takes a while to build up the courage, but you finally take a bite and get teleported to the Medium.

  
  
\-----------------------------------------END OF ACT 2---------------------------------------------------------


End file.
